it’s been about a year now since i brewed a batch of beer, which is just a shame. i wish i could blame it on the hop shortage, but there are many alternative hops available as well as low-hop beers (scotch ale, for example) that can be brewed. sadly, it’s been a matter of priorities. homebrewing got lost in the busyness of working on the house (we renovated the kitchen and family room ourselves), starting a new job and getting two product releases out the door, and following the Celtics epic run to banner #17. Matt and i have been talking about getting back to basics and doing an extract-based brew this fall. more info to come as that plan progresses.

• If you wander through the isles of the grocery store saying to yourself “I wonder if that would ferment.”
• If you know what a sparge arm is.
• If you have more empty bottles in your house than Teddy Kennedy.
• If your idea of international diplomacy is combining Belgian yeast with British malts and German hops.
• If the FBI raids your house, suspecting that your yeast ranch is a WMD lab.
• If you know the secret motto “RDWHAH”.
• If you’ve been banned from the kitchen ever since the “Boilover Incident of ’99″.
• If you’ve ever tried to improve a Budweiser by stirring in a crumbled hop pellet.
• If you have a hose adapter permanently attached to your kitchen faucet.
• If you wanted to name the puppy “Fuggles.”
• If you own a sterile trash can.
• If you have more than 10 gallons of beer in your home right now.
• If you measure beer in gallons.
• If you don’t think 10 gallons of beer is a lot.
• If you’ve ever used a mop on a ceiling.
• If you have a large stove pot that no one else is allowed to use.
• If you’ve ever driven your car in winter with the windows down and the heat off because you were afraid the cooler in the backseat was getting warm.
• If you’ve ever stumped the tour guide on a megabrewery tour, deliberately.
• If you have a glass that you wash by hand instead of in the dishwasher.
• If you’ve ever said any of these phrases:
  “In a not-frosted glass, please.”
  “Probably dirty hoses.”
  “What kind of beer is it supposed to be?”
  “By weight or by volume?”
  “My yeast is ready.”
  “Aw, crap, twist-offs.”
• If there is a bottle in the refrigerator with an air lock on it.
• If you’ve ever butted into the conversation of total strangers because you overheard the word “sparge.”
• If you can’t remember the last time you popped open a flip-top beer can.
• If you’ve ever cut a hole in a refrigerator door.
• If you’ve ever gone to a redemption center to buy bottles.
• If your 10-year-old critiques the clarity and head retention of her root beer.
• If the owner of the beer store doesn’t remember your name anymore.
• If a waitress has said you’re the first person to ever send a beer back.
• If your kid entered the science fair with a demonstration of fermentation.
• If you’ve ever bought a six-pack of beer just because you needed the empties.
• If walking across your kitchen floor sounds like Velcro.
• If you’ve ever pulled bottles out of other people’s recycling bins.
• If you’ve ever put the kids to bed dirty because the tub was full of soaking bottles.
• If every T-shirt you own is from a brewpub or microbrewery.
• If your key chain has a bottle opener on it.
• If you have a T-shirt or bumper sticker that says:
  “I Brew, Therefore I Am”
  “I Fear No Beer”…
  “I’d rather be home…brewing!”
• If you refer to the foam on a pot of boiling spaghetti as “hot break”.
• If you have several boxes of empties (various sizes and types) in your garage, even though you Keg, “just in case”.
• If you have ever put hops in your coffee, and thought “Hey, that’s better!”
• If you find yourself standing next to another guy at Home Depot holding several brass fittings and a cooler.
• If you can brag that your vehicle can actually hold 40 cornies and still have room in the front seat…
• If you have more refrigerators in your garage than in your house.
• If you have more taps at home than in the corner bar.

Anyhow, now that it’s been fermenting for about 2 weeks, it smells like a good brew, which is a far cry from how it started out. The yeast profile said something about some sulphur production, but I didn’t figure that translated to our living room smelling like a rotten-egg/banana smoothie. Let me tell you: it wasn’t pleasant. But now that most of the yeast has gone to sleep and dropped out of suspension, those aromas have gone away (as they should) and all that’s left is a spicy-fresh phenolic scent.

This week, we’re going to be bottling the hefeweizen and pitching a Dunkelweizen on top of the yeast cake from the prior beer. Temperature control is going to be (and has been) an issue, but I’ve been able to work around it by wrapping wet towels around the fermenter bucket. Just have to watch out for the mildew.

The good news is that I turned on registration, so if you’ve been itching to comment on posts (the old ones are coming, I promise) you can go ahead and do so. Just click on the “Comments” link below, try to log in, and click “Register” on the login page. You’ll need a valid email, but fear not — I won’t spam you.

Because my night-owl ways have returned for the week, here are some thoughts and links:

• My buddy John introduced me to a new web comic recently — and of course I had to go back and read every strip in the archive. This is by no means the first incident. Ctrl-Alt-Del is similar to Penny Arcade in premise and focus (video-game-centric) but the method of delivery is different (plot vs loose association).
• The Celtics 2006-07 schedule just got released today, and the home opener is against … the Hornets?!? What kind of old-school rivalry is that? The last two years they’ve kicked off the season against the Knicks and Sixers. And before that, it was the Heat, Bulls, Cavs, and Raptors — at least they were in the same Conference. It still frustrates me that teams play divisional rivals (against whom they’re vying for divisional titles and playoff spots) no more often than most other teams in the league. It’s all about marketing to the NBA; gotta make sure the big names hit all the cities to get those butts in the seats, as opposed to, say … playing engaging basketball and building rivalries?
• I have restrained myself thus far and have only made two purchases off of Woot, both of which are getting steady use around here.
• Some day, I’ll have one of these… but until then, I’m going to have to keep using these lesser devices. At least I’ll soon be making one upgrade.

More to come…